I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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