The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
