so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
