hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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