i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
