So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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