Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
