Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize