My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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