I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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