Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
smell my finger.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
