Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
