Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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