i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
