YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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