I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
