Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
