11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
