I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My balls are so social today.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
