mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
