we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
