FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
