in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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