I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
