I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day đđ#pensacolaproblems
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type âdog twerkingâ into google search? Because I donât think you do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize