my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
