How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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