throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
