I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
