Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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