there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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