are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
