i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
