So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just pee around me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
