I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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