Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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