wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
