1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize