They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
