i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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