He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
