I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
