Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
