So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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