Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
