my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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