Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
