sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
