Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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