Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
