my vag is so smooth its legendary
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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