if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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