your parents love me but you hate me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
