I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
