I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
