I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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