Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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