I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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