doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
