Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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