none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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