im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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