Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
