You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
