i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
