i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
