The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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